Pre op

Welcome to the story of Alexander Michael Zarzana. A five year old boy who endured brain surgery to remove two Arterio Venous Malformations from the right frontal lobe. This is the second of seven posts on blog. I pray they encourage you. This blog in the form of a letter to Alex is being written for four reasons:

1. To strengthen the faith of my young son Alexander on the day that he is able to read this blog for himself. We serve a God who does great things.

2. To encourage parents who may go through the same type of struggle that Joanne and I did. 

3. To give due thanks for the nurses, doctors, and surgeons that took amazing care of our little Alex.

4. To give glory, honor and thanks to the Lord who brought our son back home to us.

Alexander the Brave One

July 3rd: The day of your Surgery

Mommy and I awoke at 5 am because we had to sign you in at OHSU by 6:30. After taking a quick shower, I got dressed and headed into your room to pick you up beneath my arms. As you slept in your Mario Kart comforter, I carried you out to the car. You woke up for a few seconds and looked around but didn't say anything before closing your eyes again. I enjoyed the moment of silently carrying you and looked down on you adoringly with thanks to God for the five years filled with joyful moments such as that one. 

The car had already been warmed up by mommy. Grandma Karen buckled you in safely after I put you in your car seat. We said a prayer and pulled out of the driveway, hopeful that we would bring you back home from the hospital in full health.

You woke up in the car along our way to the Hospital. I hadn't realized that you were awake until you said, "I like this music". It was the sound of jazz that you were hearing, a style of music that you have never heard. We kept it on the station on the way and you bobbed your head up and down to the music. Mommy, I and Grandma Karen all smiled and laughed as we watched you pucker your lips and put on your rock face while moving your body back and forth to the wave of jazz. 

The thirty minute drive ended with us in the Oregon Health and Science University parking structure. I jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest building to find out where we were supposed to admit you. After finding out, I stepped outside where I could see the car and waved you in.

We checked in at the Doernbecher Children's Hospital. The first person to show up was Pastor Russ Bailey, one of the finest pastors I have ever known. Let me tell you something son, this man loves you, loves me, loves our family with a deep affection. Pastor Russ walked over to you and got down on one knee to greet you eye to eye. I watched at a distance as he put his arms around you to speak. I don't know what he said, but I can tell you it was said with deep concern. You have always wanted to free the slaves son, and Pastor Russ shares that passion with you. I think your hope for this cause in some ways makes you one.

Pastor Russ of Sanctuary Church in Gresham, OR and Alex

We traveled to Pediatric sedation on the eighth floor of the Hospital. Uncle Brandon showed up there and he gave you a big hug upon his arrival. Uncle Brandon had to be at work early, but he made it a priority to see you before the surgery. Next Grandpa Dave and Grandma Lori showed up. Grandpa Dave put off an important camping trip for a day so that he could come and see you. He read "Clifford the Big Red Dog" while you sat in his lap. 

Grandpa Dave and Alex

Mommy also read a couple books to you, "Where the Wild Things Are" and one of your favorites, "Green Eggs and Ham".

After waiting for about an hour, the nurse came into the waiting area to take everyone into a backroom where you were prepped for sedation. It was at this point that you began to get scared, realizing the nearness of your surgery. Seeing your anxiousness, the nurse challenged you to a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. Playing put you at ease, so after beating her, daddy challenged you. You beat me two times in a row and had a big smile on your face after doing so. Next you played Grandpa Dave, Grandma Lori, Grandma Karen and Uncle Brandon. I would say that you won at least 70% of the games. A victor to say the least. 

As we drew near to the surgery, the family wanted to lift our concern up to God. We asked the Lord for His protection over you. Grandpa Dave opened the prayer:

"Father, thank you for your love, your mercy, and your grace. You are our Father and you have said through Your Word and proven through Your action that you will never leave us. You are always there in the good times and the bad. We hold on to that promise and know that you are here with us now. Please place your hand on little Alex. Protect him in this time and lead the surgeons in the skill you have given them to make Alex better.

Daddy prayed next:

"God, please comfort and strengthen Alex in this time. I ask that he come out fully restored and whole in the end. I recognize that you are using these physicians to bring healing, but you are the great physician and can heal Alex in places where doctors can't. Please heal him. "Everyone said amen together but you said, "No, no, it's "Aaaa-men". Everyone followed after, "Aaaa-men", which means let it be done. Mommy wiped the tears from her eyes.

After praying, we walked over to the sedation table where Daddy lifted you up and placed you down on the bed. The nurse gave you some versed to calm your nerves before putting in an IV. 

After twenty minutes, one of your doctors came and said hello. He explained the procedure of the cat-scan to mommy and daddy, ensuring we understood all things that were about to happen. There was great risk involved, but like I said before, mommy and daddy made our decision prayerfully, and we were confident in the Lord that we were making the right decision. It was time for the hard stuff to start happening...

The nurse laid the needle down. You were pretty relaxed from the versed, but still cognizant. You didn't notice what was happening at first until the nurse took your hand which made you jerk back. "What are you doing?" you asked. It is hard, perhaps impossible, to explain to a little child why an IV has to go into their hand. Mommy and daddy had to hold you down with another nurse while you screamed, "No! Stop! It hurts, it hurts!" It was a hard moment, one that stands strong in my memory. I think it is impossible to forget moments that break your heart. You repeated these words over and over and daddy could do little but help hold you down while praying for strength in silence. Strength not just for you, but for me too. I was scared, with you son, with you. That is something I resolved to be on the day you were born, until the day God take you or I - to be with you no matter what.

After getting the IV in, we discussed the order of events with one of your doctors. Mommy brought up that you were supposed to have a cat-scan on your brain and your chest before the surgery. But your doctor had only put in an order for your brain to be scanned and not your chest. We insisted that the cat-scan be done on your chest to find out if you had any AVM's in your lungs. The nurses agreed to make efforts to approve the cat-scan, to which they were successful.

The anestheseologist came into the room and gave you medicine to put you to sleep. We wheeled you into the catscan room and the Doctor had me lift your unconscious body on to the table. Mommy and daddy left the room and sat down just outside to wait. The scan was soon accomplished and we traveled to a waiting area where we would stay until your surgery. The nurses warned us that you would likely be cranky when you awoke but you were in a pretty good mood. Mommy and daddy each cuddled up in bed with you and enjoyed every moment of it.  

Mommy and Daddy Spending Time with Alex Before Surgery

Family and friends also had a chance to come back and visit with you while we waited for your operating room to open up. A number of people from our old church had arrived. Rod and Alice Campbell, Deby Elis and Carolyn and Amber Ingram (who stayed with us for the entire day) all came back to say hello. Lots of cuddling and lots of praying occurred during this time. Every moment was enjoyed but there was some concern because 10 am surgery jumped to 12 pm. During the wait, I got up and anxiously paced around a few times thinking that maybe we weren't supposed to do the surgery. But at 1145, your surgeons Dr. Baird and Dr. Gupta came in to let us know that they were ready to take you in. They explained the steps of procedure and made mommy and daddy feel calm and confident that you were in good hands. Dr. Gupta placed a mark with a black felt pen on the area of operation.

The nurses wheeled you toward the operating room and mommy and daddy followed close behind. We walked with you until the doctor said we could go no further. Before injecting you with medicine that would put you out for the duration of the surgery, we prayed with you and the medical team that God would guide their hands to remove the growths in your brain safely.

After being put out, your mother and I embraced your unconscious body with a hug. Hand in hand we traveled down the hallway to the waiting room. Your mother looked to me and said, "No turning back now". I could see the fear in her eyes. I put my arm around with gentle strength and said with as much confidence as possible, "I feel like everything is going to be okay". I wondered internally, and hoped that that would be the case.

Interested in supporting the author of this blog? You can do so by purchasing his book, "The Son Who Chases the Father" found at chasethefather.com 

Joshua Zarzana can also be found on Facebook or Twitter

Thank you for reading.