Miracles Do Happen

Welcome to the story of Alexander Michael Zarzana. A five year old boy who endured brain surgery to remove two Arterio Venous Malformations from the right frontal lobe. This is the conclusion of a seven post blog series written in the form of a letter to my son Alex. If you are reading this blog for the first time, I recommend that you start on the first posting of the series so that you can enjoy the story from the beginning. This blog series is being written for four reasons:

1. To strengthen the faith of my young son Alexander on the day that he is able to read this blog for himself. We serve a God who does great things.

2. To encourage parents who may go through the same type of struggle that Joanne and I did. 

3. To give due thanks for the nurses, doctors, and surgeons that took amazing care of our little Alex.

4. To give glory, honor and thanks to the Lord who brought our son back home to us.

Alexander the Brave One

Daddy and Alex

My dearest Alex,

I prepare my heart and spirit with care before writing the remainder of this letter. You see son, the world we currently live in is one that doubts God's existence. It is filled with people who wonder if God has fallen asleep, or perhaps never existed; or did exist for a time and is now dead. There are some whose depth of disbelief and anger toward God goes deep, believing that He has left us to float along aimlessly on a planet in outer-space; with a helpless struggle to find meaning and purpose where none can be found. But the conclusion of this letter, in my opinion; attests to the inaccuracy of believing such a thing.

The next day, you awoke from recovery. Your nurses and therapists came in once more to assess your condition. It was believed that the bulk of your immediate recovery had already been seen when you stood and balanced yourself on the walker. Your caregivers were certain that therapeutic services would still be needed to get you to stand and walk on your own. But as I stated earlier, we serve a big God who cares deeply for us and has the ability to answer our requests. It is not that God always heals, because He doesn't; but sometimes the Lord chooses to show His magnificent power, especially to those who put their trust in Him.

I believe the video that you are about to watch is  the result of many prayers lifted up to heaven on your behalf. Not only were you able to stand and walk on your own, but you were also able to do this.

Alex's Unbelievable Recovery

By the way, it was not easy for daddy to keep up with you. 

Everyone who witnessed this miracle were astounded and amazed . You could see that mommy was a little nervous and kept a hand near to protect you. She too was beyond words when seeing how well you were. 

Do you remember the prayer I prayed for you before going into surgery son? It went like this, "God, please comfort and strengthen Alex in this time. I ask that he come out fully restored and whole in the end. I recognize that you are using these physicians to bring healing, but you are the great physician and can heal Alex in places where doctors can't. Please heal him."

God answers prayer!

After witnessing this miracle, we went back to your room and spent time watching movies together and playing games. The nurses brought in a sweet drum pad for you to play. Something to encourage movement on your upper bodies left side. You and your brother rocked out on this thing for nearly an hour, recording beats at high and low tempos.

Drum Pad that Alex and Christian Played On

We remained in the Hospitals care and watched movies you loved while enjoying food that every child envies (bacon, pizza, ice cream etc.). You took a nap in the later evening, so Christian and I colored a special picture for you and hung it across from your bed. I took a snapshot of it to have it as a keep sake.

Picture that Daddy and Christian Colored

Christian and I traveled back to the Ronald McDonald House and slept the night away. It would be impossible to tell you in words how I was feeling that night. I made a lot of calls to express gratitude to many family and friends that had been praying for you. They were filled with joy to hear of your recovery and were also convinced, even some I know to be skeptics, that a true miracle had transpired.

Christian and I woke up the next morning and traveled back to the Hospital. Upon our arrival, we were soon greeted with incredible news from one of your nurses who sat down in the room with us and said, "Let me first say that no one can believe how well Alex is doing. No one here has EVER seen a child bounce back in recovery like this. After talking it over, the doctors and the team have decided that Alex can be released from the Hospitals care." Your mother and I just sat and listened with smiles on our faces. The thought, "God is good" was one that resonated in our minds as the nurse spoke. Truly He is.

After receiving the news, we heard that there was a Hospital Bingo game that was about to kick off. You wanted to be a part of that action so we got our bingo card, cuddled up and tuned the TV on to the game. Daddy held the stamp card and you marked our spaces as they were called. Here is a picture and video of the game I enjoyed with you.

Daddy and Alex playing Bingo Together

Alex Announced as a Winner!

The smile on your face was priceless after hearing the girl congratulate your winning. If you didn't hear it, the gentlemen on the television said, "Alex is smart!". Mommy laughed when she heard him say it. We smiled and agreed with the man's assessment of you :)

After the Bingo game, we had to play the waiting game for a couple hours as we awaited the final word that you could go home. Before leaving, it was my hope that you would get to see your amazing surgeons Dr. Baird and Dr. Gupta before leaving. They both made special trips in the midst of busy meetings to get a picture with you. I wish I could see into the hearts of these two individuals, especially in the moment that they took these pictures with you.

Alex and Dr. Baird

Alex and Dr. Gupta

Dr. Baird's face turned red with joy as she held you close in that picture. Dr. Gupta was elated as well. You gave them both a hug before parting and thanked them for what they did. I thanked them too, and I thank them still now. I have more thanks toward them than they could ever know, your mother and I are both forever grateful. Thank you Dr. Baird, thank you Dr. Gupta, thank you medical team for tenderly, effectively and faithfully caring for our son and the many other sons and daughters that you lovingly embrace until recovery. I could only imagine some of the trials you suffer, but I thank you for suffering with me and my family as we hoped together for Alex's recovery.

After receiving word that we could leave, we loaded up our luggage and traveled away from the Hospital. We were on our way to a restaurant for a celebratory dinner. At the bottom of the hill that traveled up to OHSU, we spotted one of your physical therapists who took care of you. I rolled down the window to get her attention. She was filled with excitement as she saw our family leaving with you in tow. She gave a thumbs up to the awesomeness of your leaving the hospital.

Alex's Therapist Giving a Thumbs up

We drove to the restaurant and enjoyed some fondue together. Our friends Taylor and Melissa joined the gathering. As we waited for the food to come to our table, you cuddled up in Mommy's arms and rested for some time. 

Alex and Mommy Resting Together Before Dinner

That look you see on mommy's face is a mixture of exhaustion and joy. As I prepare to seal up this letter, I want to remind you that mommy was consistently and faithfully by your side as you recovered. I am of the opinion that there was no person, including myself; that prayed harder for you than she. I am telling you this so that you can walk away from this letter with thanksgiving in your heart for mommy's love. I ask you to soon find your mother after reading this and give her the hug, kiss and embrace she deserves for being the amazing woman she is.

We left from the restaurant and stayed one more night at the Ronald McDonald House. We all cuddled up together in the king size bed and slept in peace once again as a family filled with love. And not just any kind of love, but the kind that only God can put between families. Truly His eyes are watching over us, His hands are upon us, and His heart is with us. I hope that every family that reads this story understands that God desires to watch over them in the same manner as well. They need only ask the Christ into their hearts and invite Him into their homes, so that He may be a part of their lives. 

I don't know what all the future holds son, but I believe that you will have your own family; and perhaps more than anything, I hope that you will lead your family into the grace of Christ. God has used you, and He will continue to use you. Let Him do so and remember to always give Him thanks.

I leave this letter with one final message, but it is not my message; it is yours. This is a message for all those who bent the knee to our Lord and asked for Alex's recovery. Alex has something to say to you.

One Final Message from Alexander the Brave One

The End

Interested in supporting the author of this blog? You can do so by purchasing "The Son Who Chases the Father" at chasethefather.com 

Joshua Zarzana can be found on Facebook or Twitter

Thank you for reading.

The God Who Heals

Welcome to the continued story of Alexander Michael Zarzana. A five year old boy who endured brain surgery to remove two Arterio Venous Malformations from the right frontal lobe. This is the sixth of seven posts on this blog that is written in the form of a letter to my son Alex. If you are reading this blog for the first time, I recommend that you start on the first posting of the series so that you can enjoy the story from the beginning. This blog series is being written for four reasons:

1. To strengthen the faith of my young son Alexander on the day that he is able to read this blog for himself. We serve a God who does great things.

2. To encourage parents who may go through the same type of struggle that Joanne and I did. 

3. To give due thanks for the nurses, doctors, and surgeons that took amazing care of our little Alex.

4. To give glory, honor and thanks to the Lord who brought our son back home to us.

Alexander the Brave One

At 9am in the morning, I headed downstairs to get your mother some coffee and a breakfast sandwich. When I returned, the nurses and physical therapists were in the ICU to wake you. "We want to try and assess Alex's baseline and see what kind of strength he has." Your mother and I were anxious to see how you were. Many questions lingered in our mind, the same kinds of questions that lingered from your first surgery. Would you have mobility on your left side? Would you wake up, once more, as the same Alex that we knew before surgery? Would there be any permanent damage?

The two nurses present had to call out a few times and gently shake your shoulder before you began to wake up. Seeing you regain consciousness was a blessing in and of itself. Throughout the middle of the night, I had paranoid fears, wondering if you would wake up at all. You were barely able to open your eyes as you woke. Mommy and daddy were right by your side as you came to. Mommy held on to your right hand and smiled down on you. My eyes intently studied each of your movements as you slowly became cognizant. I noticed that your left side did not move. 

As you began to try and sit up, a nurse placed her hand beneath your back to help you up. You were lethargic and drowsy as you tried to wake. The other nurse removed the blanket from your torso and placed your legs over the side of the bed after sitting you up. Fear began to set in my mind as I watched the nurses balance your limp body. Your head drooped, arms hung at your side, and body looked near lifeless. The therapists brought in a dog named Sunny in efforts to get you to become more responsive. Here is a video of that moment:

After taking that video, your mother asked me if she could watch the recording. Anguish was layered on her face as she asked. I responded with concern, "Why do you want to watch it?" Your mother laid silent after asking the question. "Honey, I don't think it is a video worth watching again." We were both broken as we witnessed your unresponsiveness to Sunny and the nurses requests. There was a little movement from your left arm, which was a blessing to be counted, but in hindsight of the present situation; we were both wrecked within.

The nurses and therapists spoke with your mother and I:

"We want to get him into therapy immediately." they said.

"How long do you think he will have to undergo rehabilitative services? Do you think he will be able to walk on his left side again?"  I asked.

"It is too early to tell how long he will have to be in therapy. We can't promise full rehabilitation on his left side. From what we are seeing, it will likely take weeks to get him up and walking on his own. We can't promise a full recovery, but the slight movement from his left arm is a good sign, so stay optimistic."

The nurses tried their best to make your mother and I feel positive, but we were beside ourselves. Why couldn't you have just woken up like you had from the first surgery? I thought to myself. At one point, that was my confident hope. But now I just hoped that you would be able to regain your strength and be able to walk and play again.

After realizing that we were going to be in the Hospital for some time, your mother called the local Ronald McDonald house to request a room. We were blessed to get in the same day. I went to pick up your brother from Grandma Karen's. He asked how you were doing as we traveled down the freeway to the Ronald McDonald house, but I didn't know how to respond. "Just pray for your brother Christian." I said. "Okay, Dad." Christian responded back. After about five minutes of silence, your brother piped up again:

"Hey Dad, you know God can heal people right?"

"Yes Christian, I know that."

"God is going to heal Alex Dad."

There wasn't a shred of doubt in Christian's voice as he said it. I wanted to respond to him with some of my skeptical side, tell him that God doesn't always heal everyone. Christian understands this truth, but he was confident that his little brother was going to be fine, and who was I to take that from him in that moment. I glanced back at Christian and said, "I hope you are right son". After dropping our stuff off at the Ronald McDonald House, we traveled back to the Hospital where you slept. Christian wanted to try and wake you up so we allowed him to do so:

"Alex, wake up." Christian said as he shook your shoulder.

I believe that what happened next was a miracle. You woke up with excitement and greeted your brother. It was a surprise to see how responsive you were. You asked to be sat up and mommy and daddy got a wheel chair next to your bed and placed you upright in it. Here is a picture of you and Christian sitting together.

Christian and Alex Reunited Again

You still did not have much movement on your left side but we were ecstatic to see you wake in the manner that you did. Amazed at what seemed to be a sudden turn of events, Joanne and I discussed what to do next and we decided that I would stay at the Hotel with your brother overnight. My eyes and mind were tired from lack of sleep, but back at the hotel room, after watching a cartoon with your brother, he and I cuddled up and fell asleep peacefully. I now had a reason to feel positive, and my faith was bolstered in believing that you would be okay. After all, there were thousands of people praying for you, thousands, and we serve a God who is in the business of answering many prayers with a powerful response. I have lived a life of witnessing God's providence throughout my walk and journey with Him, so why not believe in Him now? Why not trust that God could do something big? Another day passed where you spent time in recovery. Your friends Layla and Stacy showed up again to say hello to you. We went out into the courtyard and took a picture together. Here is the pic.

Alex with Joshua, Christian and Layla

Another day came and went with little movement being seen on your left side but your mother and I, along with more family and friends than we can count, continued to pray for your recovery.

The next morning a response to those prayers was clearly seen. I called your mother on the way to the Hospital from the Ronald McDonald House:

"Josh," your mother said,  "The therapists came out today to reassess Alex and he was able to stand up on a walker after getting out of bed!"

"That's amazing honey!"

"I know, right! The therapists couldn't believe how well he was doing. They still want him to have therapy, but praise God that he is up and nearly balancing on his own with a walker! He even took a couple steps forward as I helped him balance!"

"Praise God." I said, "Praise Him."

After getting to the Hospital and arriving back at your room, I greeted you with joy. You smiled at me cheerfully with some pride on your face and said.

"Hi Dad."

"Hi buddy" I said back, "I am so proud of you, I heard you got out of bed and walked."

"Yes I did." You said with a grin.

You wanted to get out of bed again and show me that you were able to stand up with your walker. You looked confident so your mother and I decided to let you. Here is a picture of the proud and relieving moment.

Alex Standing with his Walker

Witnessing your recovery continued to bolster my faith. We still had a long road ahead to get you back to normal strength, but praise and adoration before God was expressed as we rejoiced over your healing. God is good, and as you read this son, I pray that you know that truth beyond a shadow of a doubt. Just how good God is, will be told in my final letter of this blog. I love you.


To be concluded 27 September 2014.

Interested in supporting the author of this blog? You can do so by purchasing his book, "The Son Who Chases the Father" at chasethefather.com 

Joshua Zarzana can also be found on Facebook or Twitter

Thank you for reading.

The Unexpected

Welcome to the continued story of Alexander Michael Zarzana. A five year old boy who endured brain surgery to remove two Arterio Venous Malformations from the right frontal lobe. This is the fifth of seven posts on this blog that is written in the form of a letter to my son Alex. I pray they encourage you. If you are reading this blog for the first time, I recommend that you start on the first posting of the series so that you can enjoy the story from the beginning. This blog series is being written for four reasons:

1. To strengthen the faith of my young son Alexander on the day that he is able to read this blog for himself. We serve a God who does great things.

2. To encourage parents who may go through the same type of struggle that Joanne and I did. 

3. To give due thanks for the nurses, doctors, and surgeons that took amazing care of our little Alex.

4. To give glory, honor and thanks to the Lord who brought our son back home to us.

Alexander the Brave One

July 5th

My son Alex,

Your angiogram was scheduled for 10am. I remember the feeling of optimism as we rolled your bed down to the room where you would be assessed. You looked healthy enough to be discharged from the Hospital, we just needed to confirm that all of the AVM had been removed. You expressed frustration in tears as the doctors prepared to give you medicine that put you under. Mommy and daddy prayed as you left our presence, asking God for a good report.

The angiogram didn't take long at all. Mommy and daddy were by your side after thirty minutes. You were still asleep as we awaited the arrival of Dr. Baird to give us the report on the angiogram. She had her poker face on again as she walked into the room. I readied my heart to hear what she had to say, whether good or bad. "How are you two holding up?" Dr. Baird asked. "As well as we can" your mother and I responded back. "Well, I have some good news and some bad news." Dr. Baird spoke softly and began with the bad news, "We found a small growth remaining in Alex's right frontal lobe." She stepped in to the good news, "There is only %5 remaining and it is operable. I feel the best course of action would be to go back in and remove what is left." My heart sank as Dr. Baird spoke. It felt like we were  within a few hours of going home with you happy and healthy, but another surgery meant going through all the same risks again, all the same stresses and anxiety. The feeling of optimism and expectation that we would be leaving OHSU suddenly vanished.

Dr. Baird gave us the option of not going through with the surgery, but the chance of stroke was too high if the AVM was not fully removed. Your mother and I took some time to discuss the option of not doing the surgery, but we were convinced that Dr. Baird knew best and agreed that surgery would be best. We chose to not tell you that you would have to go back in. Instead, we had your brother come out and entertain you since the first opening in the operating room was not until the next morning. 

We enjoyed the day as a family reading books, playing games and cuddling up for nap times. We took some walks around your hospital floor and met a counselor on one of our treks. She had heard about your story and how you had to go back in for surgery. She checked on your mother and I before asking how you were. "I just want to go home" you told her. To cheer you up, the the counselor invited you into her office which was filled with toys, games and stuffed animals. The counselor looked at you and said, "Alex, I want you to choose anything you want in here. The sky is the limit, if you want it you can have it." Your look of sadness was quickly replaced with a smile. You looked around and put your finger to your lip. "Hmmm" you said as you looked at all your options. You decided on a green teddy bear and the board game Candyland. You also picked out a Scooby-Doo movie that you had never seen. Daddy looked around the room with you and thought about talking you into selecting the item below.

Steve Urkel

Looked like a collectors item for sure. We walked back to your room after receiving gifts that refilled your joy tank. Thank God for that counselor, she lit up our day. 

We watched your newly acquired Scooby-Doo movie and after it was over, your good friends Layla and Stacy showed up. We spent some time in the play room building lego towers as high as possible. After building the towers up, you would push them over. Here is a video of you doing so. 

Alex pushing blocks over

We must have done that about ten times. You would say to me, "Build it up again Dad". I was happy to do so since you were entertained. Stacy and Layla left after hanging out in the playroom and it was getting near time for me to get Christian home. I gave you a big long hug before you headed back to your room for a early evening nap. I wouldn't see you again until the next morning before your surgery. It was hard to leave you, but Daddy had to take Christian home since he was not allowed to stay at the Hospital. Before leaving, your brother and I hopped onto the OHSU aerial tram for a fun ride. Here are some pictures and a video of the experience.

Scenic Picture of Mt Hood

Daddy and Christian on the Aerial Tram

I promise that some day you and I will go on that tram together.

Mommy stayed with you over night and I slept in Gresham at Grandma's house with Christian. Your surgery was scheduled for 12pm the next day, so I slept in til about 10am to try and get refreshed. I left your brother at Grandma's and traveled back to the Hospital. Uncle Mitchell and Aunt Jenah had arrived to say hello. They gave Joanne and I hugs and comforted us as best they could. 

There was heaviness on your mother and I's heart as we drew closer to the surgery time. The doctors came in to wheel you downstairs to the operating room. We followed by your side as far as we could, walking, once again; passed the pictures of dogs wearing funny hats. We walked with you until we could go no further, to the same point that we were at nearly 3 days ago when you first went in for surgery. Once again we prayed. Once again we stressed. Once again we watched you get wheeled away by the doctors, wondering if you would come out of the surgery alive and functional.

Your mother and I traveled back to the waiting room. Grandma Karen arrived an hour later with Christian in tow. Uncle Mitchell and Aunt Jenah were still there as well. We found out that we could get more aerial tram passes for free. Your brother was excited to take your Grandma and some of the other family on the tram. Your mother and I stayed close by and waited for you to come out of surgery. We went into a small garden area a floor above you for about a half hour and sat down together on a bench. We held hands in silence most of the time. I took a picture of a beautiful red tree that stood out. 

Tree in the Garden

There was something about the lighting in that tree and the blue sky above that gave me peace. God shows His presence in our lives tin many different ways. Sometimes through blue skies and beautiful trees. I believe God showed His presence to me through that tree.

Your brother arrived back from the aerial tram and stayed at the hospital until 5pm. The doctors were four hours into your surgery before he had to depart with Grandma Karen. After they left, your Uncle Brandon showed up with your cousin Lily. We went and grabbed a little dinner together and then went to a playground for a game of tag. I remember wishing deeply that you were there. I love to play tag with you. The game was bitter sweet as I chased your niece around with your presence only in my heart. After finishing our game, Uncle Brandon left with Lily and your mother and I went back up to the waiting room. Grandma Sue showed up soon after to be with us. At 7pm, Dr. Gupta came out and let us know that the surgery would still require some time. The doctors had to be very meticulous. We appreciated the time and care they were giving you but each hour that passed became harder than the next. 

Finally, after eleven long hours of surgery, Dr. Baird stepped into the waiting room. Your mother and I were reading the Bible with Grandma Sue when she came in. We traveled back into the consultation room to hear the news. "Alex is stable and we are confident that we got everything out". I had to ask, "What took the surgery so long, is Alex okay?". "Alex is fine, the surgery took longer than expected because after removing the remaining %5, we did another angiogram and discovered there was another AVM hiding. We had to go deeper into the motor cortex area than planned in order to get all of the growth out." I became concerned upon hearing these words. "Is Alex going to be able to move okay?". Dr. Baird responded, "We can't say for sure until he wakes up. The surgery went well, but we won't know how well until we assess him." That was the best answer that could be given. Dr. Baird did the best job that she could and everything else was in the hands of God. 

We went into your room where you lay unconscious. Your mind and body had endured over 20 hours of surgery within a three day period. We tried to wake you up before going to bed but you were unresponsive to mommy and daddy's nudging. The scar on top of your head was now much larger. I took a picture of it so that you could see the incision for yourself when you are older.

Alex's Incision

Grandma Sue came in and gave us a hug. We said a prayer together before she departed for home. Your Uncle Tom, from my side of the family, also showed up after the surgery. He brought his son David with him who had a brain aneurysm before he was a year old. It was comforting to have Uncle Tom near. He is a man of deep faith and was able to empathize with your mother and I from his child having AVM's.

After Uncle Tom left, your mother and I tried our best to go to sleep. But the unwavering worry of how responsive you would be after waking kept us both up throughout the night. I lay in bed and tried to doze off a number of times. I fell asleep once or twice but didn't get any more than a couple hours of rest. It was one of the longest days of my life followed by one of the longest nights. Much of the time was spent with God in prayerful anguish, asking that you wake up responsive and alert. 

What if we made the wrong choice, I wondered to myself. Maybe we never should have gone through with the surgery a second time. My mind sat in a place of worry remained there for the night. With eyes blood shot and mind tired, I waited with your mother by my side in anticipation of your waking. 

To be continued September 15, 2014.

Interested in supporting the author of this blog? You can do so by purchasing his book, "The Son Who Chases the Father" at chasethefather.com 

Joshua Zarzana can also be found on Facebook or Twitter

Thank you for reading.

Recovery with family

Welcome to the continued story of Alexander Michael Zarzana. A five year old boy who endured brain surgery to remove two Arterio Venous Malformations from the right frontal lobe. This is the fourth of seven posts on this blog written in the form of a letter to my son Alex. I pray they encourage you. If you are reading this blog for the first time, I encourage you to start on the first posting of the series so that you can enjoy the story from the beginning. This blog series is being written for four reasons:

1. To strengthen the faith of my young son Alexander on the day that he is able to read this blog for himself. We serve a God who does great things.

2. To encourage parents who may go through the same type of struggle that Joanne and I did. 

3. To give due thanks for the nurses, doctors, and surgeons that took amazing care of our little Alex.

4. To give glory, honor and thanks to the Lord who brought our son back home to us.

Alexander the Brave One

July 4th

The nurse entered the room of the ICU around 9am. She had come in a number of times during the night to check your vitals. Mommy still lay in the chair by your bedside with her head resting on her shoulder. It must have been an uncomfortable position but she did not care. She wanted to be the first face you saw when waking. 

My eyes were blurred and tired as I tried to open them. I noticed the nurse was getting ready to wake you, which motivated me to get up. I came by your mothers side. "I think we should wake Alex up now and see how he is doing" the nurse said. Joanne and I agreed.

Mommy gently placed her right hand on your left arm and began to call out to you. "Alex, Alex, it is time to wake up sweetheart." Daddy joined in with mommy. "Alex, it's time to wake up son." You took a deep  breath and slowly began to open your eyes. I paid attention to your left side to see if you would stretch your arm or leg out but I didn't see any movement. The doctor entered the room to assess you. I stepped  off to the side but mommy stayed near. The doctor asked you a few questions to which you answered correctly. I counted the blessing of hearing your voice respond to him. Next the doctor asked if you could move your left arm. I began to internally pray as he asked, "Lord, please let it happen. Let my son move his left side." You lifted your left arm with some ease. Mommy smiled deeply and spoke out, "Great job Alex. Yaaaay". She laughed with tears of relief coming out of her eyes, I sighed in relief as well. Thank you Lord, thank you, I said internally. The doctor then lifted the blanket to check the movement of your left leg. Here is a video showing how well you did.

Alex's responses to the doctor

When I saw the smile on your face, my heart elated. Your smile is one of the best things about you. You are wild at heart son and your joy is an inspiration to so many, perhaps to none more than me. After seeing that you were doing well we got you breakfast. You were allowed to order any item off the menu. Your first selection was of course bacon and eggs. You also ordered some strawberries and yogurt. After eating a full meal, I asked how you were doing. "I feel good Dad" you said with a smile. But then you frowned and asked, "Where is my brother?" My heart broke as you asked for Christian, but it was mixed with joy in seeing how well you were recovering. Praise the Lord for that, praise Him. I asked you to give a thumbs up so I could take a picture and send it to everyone praying for you.

Alex giving a thumbs up

I wouldn't be surprised if over a thousand were lifting you up during this time. I need to make notable mention to Bob Collins, Russ Baley, and the Chapel staff and parishioners at McChord AFB (among others). Those people alone helped start a massive prayer chain that reached more people than we can know. 

As the morning went along, mommy and daddy wanted  to cuddle up with you in your bed, but we were not allowed to because of all the IV's that you still had. Mommy stayed seated on your left side and I was on your right. We watched some episodes of "Scooby Doo" and waited to get word that you would be moved from the ICU to immediate Care. Grandma Karen called and made plans to come and visit. I asked her to bring the Nintendo 3ds so that we could play "Super Mario Bros. 2" together. 

She showed up around 1pm with a smile on her face. You had fallen asleep again, but when she came in mommy and daddy woke you up. You were very happy to see her and grandma shared the same joy with you. You sure do mean a lot to that woman. Soon after grandma had arrived, we got word that you would be moved into Immediate Care. The nurses came in to remove any unnecessary IV's. It was painful for you but you were very brave about it.  Grandma stayed for a couple hours to love and comfort you before having to get back to work. She was sad that she had to go, but extremely happy to see how well you were doing. 

After moving you to Immediate Care, Grandma Sue showed up in the early evening. You were joyful to see her but even more elated when you saw your brother walk in. "Hi Alex", Christian said. "Christian!" you shouted. It was the loudest and strongest you had spoken since the surgery. Christian came over and leaned over your bed to give you a hug. You began to cry as you grabbed a hold of him. "I missed you so much brother." As the tears fell from your eyes, my heart swelled to see the love shared between you and your brother. You two did not let go of your hug for a good ten seconds. It was truly a heart felt moment that will cling to me forever.

We got permission from your nurse to travel to the play room in the Immediate Care area. Your brother tried to get you involved in an imagination game of building blocks, but you just weren't feeling up to it. You sat up on a small couch with mommy's support and rested your head on her arm. I asked Christian if he could help me tell you an imagination story. He was happy to help. We spotted some plastic toy dinosaurs. There was a  brontosaurus, pterodactyl and T-Rex involved in the story. The story went like this:

The poor brontosaurus was very hungry for some food but couldn't find any. His friend Pterodactyl showed up and decided to help brontosaurus. While flying around to find his friend food, T-Rex showed up and discovered the problem as well. T-Rex and brontosaurus were not friends, but T-Rex wanted to help anyway. Before pterodactyl came back with food, T-Rex found some first, but he had brought meat to brontosaurus. "I can't eat that" the brontosaurus said. Brontosaurus had to explain to T-Rex that he was a vegetarian. After finishing his explanation to T-Rex, pterodactyl showed up and told brontosaurus that he had found food. Brontosaurus and T-Rex followed pterodactyl to the trees where food for brontosaurus waited. Brontosaurus had his fill. Pterodactyl was happy to help his friend and T-Rex was happy to learn how he could help his friend brontosaurus. It was a great story, until I told you that T-Rex then ate Brontosaurus because he had become hungry from the adventure. You then told me that the story didn't end that way and created your own ending where brontosaurus, pterodactyl and T-Rex all remained friends.

After telling you the story, we traveled over to the sky bridge to watch some fireworks. Grandma Sue stayed with us after visiting hours to watch the show. We looked over the Willamette River and viewed multiple explosions of color along the landscape. It was a beautiful sight, but I spent most of my time looking down on you in your wheelchair and thanking God that you were still alive and recovering well. That was the most beautiful sight for me. 

We watched the celebration of freedom on the sky bridge for 15 minutes before travelling back to your room. We read the Bible together and said a prayer of thanks to God and His keeping our family together. It is by His hand that we remain one. Daddy got to cuddle up in the bed with you and sleep through the night. Mommy slept on the small bed in the back corner. 

The next day was an important one because your surgery would be assessed with an angiogram to ensure all of the growth was removed. Dr. Baird is one of the best brain surgeons in the U.S., so I was optimistically confident that no other surgeries would have to occur. But whether or not that was true would have to wait and be seen in the morning.

To Be Continued September 8, 2014

Interested in supporting the author of this blog? You can do so by purchasing his book, "The Son Who Chases the Father" found at chasethefather.com 

Joshua Zarzana can also be found on Facebook or Twitter

Thank you for reading.

Operation and ICU

Welcome to the continued story of Alexander Michael Zarzana. A five year old boy who endured brain surgery to remove two Arterio Venous Malformations from the right frontal lobe. This is the third of seven posts on this blog written in the form of a letter to my son Alex. I pray they encourage you. If you are reading this blog for the first time, I encourage you to start on the first posting of the series so that you can enjoy the story from the beginning. This blog series is being written for four reasons:

1. To strengthen the faith of my young son Alexander on the day that he is able to read this blog for himself. We serve a God who does great things.

2. To encourage parents who may go through the same type of struggle that Joanne and I did. 

3. To give due thanks for the nurses, doctors, and surgeons that took amazing care of our little Alex.

4. To give glory, honor and thanks to the Lord who brought our son back home to us.

Alexander the Brave One

July 3rd Continued (Day of Surgery)

Your mother and I walked to the waiting room and greeted our family and friends. Lot's of concerned looks crossed our eyes. Not many words were spoken, but the worry was evident. I sat down next to your grandpa and he put his arm around me. I looked up at him and smiled in thanks for the embrace. "You okay son?". "As okay as I can be Dad" I responded back. "You sure are a strong man." I was grateful for the encouragement but I turned my head down and didn't respond. I didn't feel strong. The feeling that 'everything was going to be okay' had dissipated a bit. I sat in the waiting room with loved ones around, but felt alone. Only my thoughts felt near as I wondered if you would be fine. Thoughts of struggle and doubt began to grow as I had an internal conversation with God:

Lord, you know I trust you, I know my son is in Your hands. But I don't know what I would do if you took him from me. I don't think I could handle it. 

I didn't linger on the thought for long. But fear momentarily surfaced in my mind. Rather than hang on the thought, I got up and asked if anyone was hungry. After some discussion, we all decided to have lunch together in the cafeteria downstairs. It was a comfort for mommy and daddy to be among people we love. After eating, everyone headed back to the waiting room. After a couple hours passed, some of the family and friends decided it was time to depart. It was great having everyone near to talk and catch up. But  sometimes a mother and father just need to be alone with their thoughts, especially when they are waiting for their child to get out of a major surgery. 

As time passed, I journaled and read the Bible for comfort. There were a couple times that I thought about sleeping, but doing such a thing felt impossible. I was too anxious to close my eyes. Every minute and every hour passed by slowly as I waited in anticipation for your surgery to end. I sat alone, sought after peace, and I can say that it was found in spending time with God. That is where I have always found peace, even in the greatest of tribulations. You can find it too son. God is always there.

Five hours into your surgery, Great grandpa Mel and grandma Lila showed up to visit. Their hugs and warm greetings were refreshing. After spending a couple hours with your mommy and I, they departed and Aunt Emily showed up soon after around 9 pm. We sat for another half hour before Dr. Baird came out to the waiting area at 9:30 pm. My eyes looked up at her in hopes of getting a read on how the surgery went, but her body language and eyes gave me no indicators. Dr. Baird calmly walked to us and clasped her hands together asking "Are you ready to hear how things went?"  We both stood up and followed her into the consultation room. The news was delivered that the surgery went amazingly; but there were some concerns. Questions of how strong your mobility on the left side would be was unknown. We would have to wait and see when you woke up. 

We walked into the room where you slept and looked at the incision on your head. The cut began at 3 inches above your right ear and straight across the middle of your head to the upper left side. It was a really clean cut that many doctors and nurses admired. The nurses rolled you in to the ICU where you were to be assessed. Mommy and daddy anxiously waited for you to wake up and wondered how much you would be able to do after the surgery. Since the AVM's were in your right frontal lobe, we wondered if you would had retained the motor skills to move your left side? We also wondered if you would be able to walk again? Would you wake up as the same person? Would you be able to talk? These were but a few of the many questions that worried mommy and daddy. After about twenty minutes in the ICU you regained consciousness. Just seeing you open your eyes was a relief. With smiles and joy mommy and daddy greeted you and gave you gentle hugs. You struggled out the words, "Could I get some water?". Mommy and daddy smiled at each other as we heard you speak. We asked the nurse for water and she quickly came back with a water bottle and straw. You took small sips while laying on your side. After having some time to wake up, the nurse asked if you could smile but you weren't much in the mood to.

Video of Alex after surgery

The nurse alerted the doctor that you had awoke. The doctor came in to test the movement on your left side but you were too tired to respond to his requests. Whether you would be able to move your left side would have to be assessed the next day. You slept through the whole night after going through ten hours of surgery and mommy and daddy stayed in the room with you. I laid on a couch behind your bed and fell asleep around 11 pm. Mommy set herself up in a chair right next to you all night. It looked really uncomfortable. I tried to encourage her to lay in the bed but she wanted to stay by your side. I don't think she slept much because she worried that you might wake up and pull out your IV's. We were both happy and content with the results we had seen so far and held confidence that we would eventually see you move your left side. But that assurance would have to wait until morning...

To Be Continued 01 September 2014.

Interested in supporting the author of this blog? You can do so by purchasing his book, "The Son Who Chases the Father" found at chasethefather.com 

Joshua Zarzana can also be found on Facebook or Twitter.

Thank you for reading.